D’Arcy Carden & Other Stories About Being a Fan While Documenting Fans

I was extremely fortunate this past weekend to be able to travel to New York City for a forty-one hour stint that revolved around getting to see The Thanksgiving Play in its opening weekend on Broadway. The play by Larissa FastHorse was so very smart and uncomfortable and hilarious that I could have watched it many times over and still not have known exactly how I felt after. I found myself engrossed and longing for it to go on for another hour. 

The performances were a delight to say the least and I could surely wax poetic about each of them. As much as I would love to, something else came to light during my trip that I can’t seem to shake and I would not be doing myself any favors to ignore. This post may read more as a processing tool than anything else but I figure, if I am asking people to share their truths with me, the least I can do is be honest about my own struggles. Struggles? Hm. That’s not quite right. All I know is that, in my wife’s words, I had a “fangirl” moment and that is sitting oddly with me.

I can admit that I’m currently lowkey obsessed with D’Arcy Carden. Do I want to be her? Do I want to be friends with her? Do I want to collaborate with her? Do I want to have some drinks, go to a batting cage, and then do improv with her? Yes. Just yes. To all those things. Do I want to wait around and talk to her or have people ask me if I want to talk to her? No. No I do not. Nope.

One of the skills I have had from a very young age and am most proud of would be my ability to talk to and carry on a conversation with just about anyone. Not something my parents found endearing about me as a child but is why I have found myself a plus-one to many events with people who hate mingling as much as new social settings. I have always been a fan of both. I love talking with people. I love hearing about people. People fascinate me. What a cliché, right? However, believe it or not, it really helps when documenting…people. 

I had the opportunity to talk to D’Arcy and I promptly managed to stick my foot in my mouth. It happens. We’ve all done it. The question I’m trying to answer for myself is why? I think it boils down to not knowing which version of myself was present at that moment. Was it the fan? Was it the film producer? Was it the fearless kid who loved talking to strangers without a fully formed filter? I think instead of allowing myself to be a cohesively layered version of all, I became a disjointed version of each. My footing felt unsure and that is unfamiliar. I felt unfamiliar. Who knew going to a play would result in a conflict of self. This is a show designed to cause the viewer to feel uncomfortable and yes, conflicted, but leave it to me to take my experience in an entirely different direction.

I’ve been able to meet a lot of amazing people through the process of making this docuseries. Stories told have been varied but at the core have been similar recounting of experiences as fans and/or involvement in fandom. Everyone has their own story of how this actor or that character changed their lives in some way. These different ways have spanned an immense spectrum but what I’ve learned is that it doesn’t matter where your story falls on that spectrum because there’s no one keeping score. And if they are then they’re wasting their time. There is no right or wrong way to be a fan, as long as that way is respectful. Maybe I had a “fangirl moment” and maybe I didn’t. But either way, the more I dive into this project the more I can understand it and not just as an onlooker or storyteller, but perhaps as a kindred.

On my flight back to Denver from NYC I decided to listen to an interview D’Arcy did on Conan O’Brien’s podcast back in 2020. Not sure why I chose this one to download or listen to while reflecting on my experience the day before, but I did and just laughed when they started talking about meeting people for whom they’re major fans. She talked about actors she loves so much she doesn’t want to meet and has told people “please don’t introduce me” and I thought to myself “yes!” because that made sense to me. She went on to talk about being at a party and Maya Rudolph was there and she left because, “I love her so deeply and it’s so important to me that I was like ‘this isn’t the way, this can’t be the way’.” Again, I get that.

There’s a lot for me to unpack here in relation to my being a fan. But for now and the sake of this past weekend let’s just say that D’Arcy Carden is my Maya Rudolph. I can accept that.